Monday, July 7, 2014

In Love with Leadership

I always thought I was the strong woman.  I still think that.  I just recently realized one thing I need is  a man who is stronger than I am in at least one way.  He has to be able to lead me. I can not follow you if I don't think you know where you are going.  I can not follow you if I think you are not as smart or smarter than me. I can not follow you if I don't feel you know what you want in life, even if we don't agree on all the details.  I can not follow you if I don't trust your judgement. Seems like a no brainer, but I didn't have a brain for this until recently.

I need a man who is a strong leader.  A girlfriend recently told me in our private chat time.  I turned up my pretty nose at first.  Then I thought about it.  There is a man I would love to date right now and he is not what I generally go for in a man as far as looks.  Which is a serious sign of personal growth for me.  It isn't really about how he looks, he is not a troll or anything.  He is an attractive man.  He is shorter than I prefer.  I know that sounds so petty of me considering I'm short too.  I just kinda like the feel of a taller man.  I would ditch that preference if I could get this man's attention for the long haul.  His spirit is 10 feet tall so it doesn't matter if I'm taller than him in heels.  He won't care, because he isn't that petty.  If he did care he would tell me and then get over it.  I'm serious.  I would follow him anywhere!  I am not saying I wouldn't have questions.  I might ask where are we going or why are we going as I am getting myself and the kids in the car.  I won't have many questions though.  Why?  Because I trust this man with my life.  That is based on a series of events over a long period of time.  He has shown me that he means what he says and that he is willing to consistently back those statements up.  I can't say that about a lot of people.  I know, without any doubt, I can trust him because he is my friend.  He is also an exceptional leader.  He has a great deal of character.  He is by no means perfect and he is willing to admit that with no shame.  I love that about him.  He is unapologetically himself. No frills just the real.  I love that about him too.  I am currently working on improving my character because of his fine example.

He can also call me on my BS.  Most people won't because they don't like confrontation or they just don't want to speak up.  I know I can be like that myself.  He hates conflict, but he has a way of telling you that you are wrong that makes you see what he means even if you are mad.  He is often right in his assessment of the situation.  Once I get over being mad that he is right, I can correct myself.  I am only mad because he was right and I can see clearly how I was wrong.  *scoff*  Then I feel even better after I get that clarity. It is actually funny when I look back on it.  I would be mad, all shades of upset because I was wrong and he gently pointed it out. I still didn't like it. After I thought about it for a while I honestly did see where I had made the mistake so I could not be mad any more.  I just had to get myself in order and move forward.  I actually like that about him when I was done being mad.

Not many people can make me come to my senses in one sentence.  He can do that. He can do that for anyone who talks to him for five minutes.  That is some leadership for your ass!  It is insanely sexy to me. For me it is difficult to submit.  For this man I would submit with no doubt in my mind and only hope in my heart. That is a leap for me, my friends.  I see clearly that I need a man like that in my life.  Maybe that man or another one, but someone who has that quality in a big way.  Leadership and good character make up for being short, make up for material things and other external "short comings,"I really didn't mean the pun.  I bow to good character and quality leadership over physical attributes  any day of all fifty-two weeks.  It is more valuable than gold.  I would rather have a man who is of good character and great leader in a relationship than a rich man, yes, I said it.  I never thought I would feel that way about it, but I do now. Ase on that. 

Friday, June 15, 2012

Lip Samples aka Kissing

I kissed this guy forever ago.  And I never told anyone about it.  I always wanted to tell someone and I started to but I never really told anyone what happened, exactly.  I wasn't quite sure myself. Now things are different.  Water under the bridge,etc.  So now I can talk about it.  I am still not one to kiss and tell so I won't name names. So today I'ma tell. 

In college I was a radio dj for my university.  It was fun and he came in to do a spot on the same show as me each week.  That was cool. I always thought he was so cute and funny and all of that. So this one day after he had been flirting with me mercilessly, he carried my LP crates to my car.  Such a gentleman, and he still is to this day.  Ever helpful, ever polite, ever charming to women.  We stood out side my car after he put the crates in the trunk.  He leaned against my car.  I stood there smiling at him and he smiled back.  This was a little game we played with each other.  An innocent flirtation, though I always wanted it to be way, way more.  He talked to me and we laughed.  I don't recall much of what was said.  What little I do remember about that conversation was said right after. We talked as we stood there behind my car, we were almost dancing a little bit.  He'd inch closer, I would stand my ground.  We kept talking this whole time. We were sort of swaying back and forth.  He moved even closer to me.  I knew what was coming.  I'm a romantic, what can I say. He kissed me, mid sentence.  Took my breath away. He looked at me and I will always remember what he said when he leaned back against my car again.  "I ain't fuckin' with you, you will have me fucked up."  It was like he was trying to convince himself. He said it so gently and he smiled at me like if I touch her again, it is on like nobodies business, no turning back and then I'm going to be tripping over this chick.  I want it but I can't have it. At first I didn't know what he meant.  Looking back now, I get it.  It sounds harsh on paper, but the way he said it was like butter.  You know how too much of a good thing to eat packs on the pounds like butter for example?  Or a lover gets you so wrapped up you can't breath if they aren't in your face, you can't function unless they are there?  You get off task because you get a tiny bit more obsessed with them each day, each hour, each minute that passes?  Yeah, that is what he meant.  I always cherished his honesty.  That day was no different.  I never got to get with him as a lover, but I always feel like I still have a tiny piece of his heart out there in the universe. And we are both accomplishment junkies.  I feel the same way about other people as he felt about me then now: I must work on my thing or I won't be happy and falling in love with you will get in the way of A) a great friendship between us, because eventually we are going to break up and then everybody is mad B)My work will suffer, I have a plan and dealing with you on that level will disrupt my plan and make me unhappy then I will make you unhappy. C) I have a vision of what love looks like to me and though you stir me in a way that I can't explain, you don't fit the picture I have in my mind. My heart and my mind must be in agreement for me to be happy. D) Being with you will slow me down on my road to success because I will get so caught up in your situations that I will forget to stay in my own lane so I can become the person I want to be in this world.

I now realize somethings are easier to accomplish when you travel light and well, alone. It gets complicated. Then you do what you said you wouldn't do and fall in love with someone so similar to me that I wanted to slap you.  I felt very hurt by that.  Isn't it amazing how the people who move you the most are the ones that can cause you the most pain?  Break your heart without even realizing that they broke it. Life, it's not personal.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

When Did I Fall in Love with Michael Jackson

I had a tiny crush on him from about age four, according to my moms.  I fell head-over-heels for Mike when I was six.  He is ten years my senior, which means he was sixteen at the time of our brief and lasting moment.  He was deep into his Jackson 5 phase of his life.  My mom took me to my very first concert to see Michael and his talented family. It was at the Cleveland Coliseum.  The stage rotates so there is not a bad seat in the house.  That particular night I had an excellent seat near the end of the aisle, second seat in from the aisle.  We were not too far back either.  Perfect for a stylish six year old, DIVA! I was rocking my favorite navy blue dress with the tan panels on the chest with the red hearts  pattern and matching red heart buttons. My pulled back bun was divine, with spiral curls on the sides.  My tights were dark and my patent leather shoes were shining. It was an amazing show.  Each Jackson had his signature color of sequins on that night, they were a rocking rainbow.  Michael was wearing orange sequins.  I'll always remember that.  He came singing down my aisle to the delighted screams of teenage girls all around me.  They are a rowdy bunch.  I was small and quiet.  I'm surprised I didn't catch any flies in my mouth that night as my mouth was hanging open in wide-eyed wonder most of the night.  Then the unthinkable, unprecedented happened....Michael stopped at my row on my side of the aisle!  The screaming girls were deafening.  But I don't think I could really hear anything other than my own heart beating and that amazing voice of Michael's.  He stepped in a little and leaned over to touch the hand of a screaming girl near me and I looked up into his face and his orange sequined arm was over my head and I was transfixed.  Between the huge Afro, that face, the voice, the orange sequins I felt like a tiny planet next to a tall, orange, singing sun. I could have touched him with my hand he was so close to me. I was amazed.  I couldn't move, I was holding my breath and I did not look away for as long as I could.  (Exhale)
It has been nearly forty years and I can still remember it in detail.  Once I fell in love with the sun of Michael Jackson, I was hooked for life.  I still think of him often, almost daily,  especially in the summer when he was born: a week after me, on the same day, ten years earlier than I was born. I wonder if he was born shining like the sun?  He was still shining when he left here and I feel l him shining right now.  He shines on and on, on and on, on and on. I love the sun of Michael Jackson, shining.   

Monday, April 16, 2012

Gold Tooth and Tattoos, really?

Ok, maybe I am a snob.  I will accept that criticism.  I was commuting on the train to my office downtown.  And there was a guy dressed all in white.  I was probably staring.  He was cute, in an off beat sort of way.  I just couldn't get past the tattoo on his neck.  I try to picture myself making love to a man with a tattoo on his neck and I have never seen myself with a man who had more than one or two tats and not on the freakin' neck.  How old are we?  Then he struck up a conversation with me.  And why did he have one gold tooth?  Just ruin my whole vibe right there.  I still gave him my number though.  Maybe this is an exercise in acceptance?  Non-judgement? Maybe it is just to show me what I want vs. what I don't want.  I have not been able to take anything that guy has said to me seriously since we talked on a few occasions.  I did make a mental note to tell my children to only get tattoos that can be covered up in a tank top if they aren't on your upper arms.  Avoid tattoos on any place that is very visible.  It may cost you in ways you hadn't expected.

Then, I went to my Reiki healing class as I always do.  And saw one of my class mates who is a wonderful brother that has a gang of tattoos.  I don't judge him the same way as I judged that man on the train.  his tats are all spiritual and Reiki related so I think those are good.  By the same token, any person on the street would see him and think of him what I thought of the other guy.  Why is this man all tatted up?  He doesn't have tats on his neck.  He does have them on his fore arm, and even the palms of his hands.  Which is amazing to me.  When I look at him though, I see this incredible light.  Someone who wants to do great things as a healer and a very powerful, special individual.

Neck Tat Brother is just as valuable but I'm just not sure I want to date him.  I don't leave our conversations feeling like I have been talking with a light being who is really cool and doing great things.  I feel like I've been in a conversation with myself even though I was talking to someone else.  That can't be good when you are not talking to yourself.  Who is to blame, me or him?  Maybe I am not curious enough about people.  Maybe I am too jaded.  Maybe I am too suspicious.  Maybe I just don't feel him like that.  He is like all of us more than just the sum of his exterior parts, right?  Maybe the problem is that I can't feel that connection with him that I do with other people for some reason. Hmmmm....What is it?  I have to let that one marinade for a while.

Here's to love and curious combinations.   

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Satisfied Customers-Love is Needed

I completed my first love letter assignment and it was well received.  I will hopefully be able to share my customers testimonial with you later.  However right now I have to say that one thing he said to me stands out that projects like these love letters are needed.  That really touched my heart.  Remember that song...What the World Needs Now is Love?  It is really true.  At this time in life things are really challenging and we may be forgetting what is truly valuable and important.  And loving each other, expressing that love and expanding that love to those around us is what is important.  If we all did that even for part of the day, say 15 minutes a day with people we know and with strangers we could change the world. Change the World through love, compassion, expression.  One letter at a time I am loving you.

All that said, I need some more volunteers for love letters.  I will treat you like a paying customer and you will enjoy a little love in your day and the day of your loved one.  E-mail me.  Follow me.  Connect with me.  I look forward to hearing from you.



Thursday, March 1, 2012

Inspired by Room in Rome

Make love to me like we are both women.  Touch me with your hand.  Stroke me with your knowing.  Talk to me with a soft, sweet voice. Caress me with your gentle sigh. Explore me with your mystery. Meet my body as an equal with your own body.  Take me and let me take you.  No domination between us, no fear, no games, no pretense.   Only passion, feeling, desire, and honest care.  Smooth skin against smooth skin.  Hand to hand.  Heart to heart, eye to eye, nipple to nipple.  Our breath rising and falling in unison.  Our legs entwined.  You touch my cheek, I touch yours-all of them. Squeezing, rocking, shuddering we come and we stay, we never go.  I tremble, you shake, we moan.  Roll away, exhale and roll back again, look into each others' eyes, smile, laugh and start again.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Kissing You

All my posts are about you. I still remember kissing you. I always kiss you when I see you.  There is not another person who isn't a relative that I kiss them every time I see them.  What blows my mind about that is if I don't kiss you when I see kiss me. (Slowly a huge smile spreads across my face)
That feels right. More love, more kisses, more goodness in the world.